IT'S A GUY THING"
Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Translated: "I have no idea how it works."

"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."
Translated: "That girl standing on the corner is a real babe."

"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."
Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated: "Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Translated: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot our anniversary."

"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES."
Translated: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."

"OH, DON'T FUSS - I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Translated: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Translated: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Translated: "What did you catch me at?"

"I HEARD YOU."
Translated: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."

"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."

"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Translated: "Oh, please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again."





prejudice...no way
jk jk jk
6_9

something bout guys..(juz for fun..don't get angry with me yup..)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you treat him nice , he’ll say that u’re in love with him
If u don’t,he’ll say u’re proud
If u dress nicely, he’ll say u’re trying to impress him
If u don’t , he’ll say u’re from ‘kampung’


If u argue with him, he’ll say u’re stubborn
If u keep quite , he’ll say u have no brains
If u’re smarter than him, he’ll lose face
If he smarter than u, he’s great


If u don’t love him, he’ll try to posses u
If u love him, he’ll try to leave u
If u don’t let him kiss u, he’ll say u don’t love him
If u do, he’ll say u’re cheap

If u tell him ur problem, he’ll say u trouble some
If u don’t , he’ll say u don’t trust him
If u scold him, u’re like a nanny to him
If he scold u, it’s becoz he cares for u

If u break ur promise, u can’t be trusted
If he break his promise, he’s force to do so
If u smoke, u’re a bad girl
If he smoke, he’s a gentleman

If u do well in exam, he’ll say it’s luck
If he does well,it’s brain
If u hurt him, u’re cruel
If he hurt u , u’re too sensitive

Guys, how on earth we, girls trust u ...

that's lively true!!!


but not all men

its probably a joke, but both of the writers have the points psychologically

another one..but nothing to do with guys.






Q: what's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: a carrot






i think my dad should read this...

have some giggle...



Can you use pink, green and yellow in a sentence?







When the phone goes green green, I pink it up, and say, "Yellow?"

HA. Ha. HA

HA. Ha. HA

A Touching Love Story..............?


A McDonald's love story...

A little old couple walked slowly into a McDonald's one cold winter evening.

They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night.

Some of the customers looked admiringly at them. You could tell what the admirers were thinking:

"Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!"

The little old man walked up to the cash register, placed his order with no hesitation and then paid for their meal.

The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off of the tray.

There was one hamburger, one order of french fries and one drink.

The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half.

He placed one half in front of his wife.

Then he carefully counted out the french fries, divided them in two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.




He took a sip of the drink, and then his wife took a sip as the man began to eat his few bites.

Again, you could tell what people around the old couple were saying. - "They were used to sharing everything."

Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady still hadn't eaten a thing.

She just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally sipped some of the drink.

A young man came over and begged them to let him buy them another meal.

The lady explained that no, they were used to sharing.

As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin, the young man could stand it no longer and asked again.

After being politely refused again, he finally asked the little old lady, "Ma'am, why aren't you eating. You said that you share everything.


What is it that you are waiting for?"


She answered,

"THE TEETH"
/-------------------\












A man...

another story..

A girl and guy were speeding over 100 mph on the road on a motorcycle...
Girl: Slow down. Im scared.
Guy: No this is fun.

Girl: No its not. Please, its too scary!
Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl: Fine, I love you. Slow down!
Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.

Girl hugs him
Guy: Can you take my helmet off & put it on yourself? Its bugging me.

In the paper the next day A motorcycle had crashed into a building because of brake failure. Two people
were on it, but only one had survived. )

The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized that his brakes broke, but he didn't want
to let the girl know. Instead, he had her say she loved him & felt her hug him one last time, then had her wear
his helmet so that she would live even though it meant that he would die.

oh nO!!!! so the guy was dead???
very touching story... what a great lover!!!!
love it..thanks

Now this is another joKe..

No speaka dah English?



A bus stops and 2 men get on. They sit down and engage in an
animated conversation.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more!
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."

The lady can't take this any more,
"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig," she retorted indignantly.

"In this country. we don't speak aloud in Public places about our sex lives.

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man.
"Who talkin'abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell
'Mississippi'."




P/S: a bit harsh..just a joke..don't get confused!!

heheh..
i need to read it twice to understand ..

yeah..heheheh..quite confusing at first..

here is another joke...but promise don't giggle on the floor...lol
really funny one!!



Two little boys are bragging about their fathers.

Little Johnny: My dad is amazing! You know the Pacific Ocean? He’s the one who dug it!
Little Junnie: Well, my dad is more amazing. You know the Dead Sea?
Little Johnny: Sure thing.
Little Junnie: My dad’s the one who killed it.



^.^

hehe

what is his dad's name???
hohohoh...

yeah, I bet George Bush.. ^.^



now try this joke....


A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of OAPs when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.

She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.

When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks her: "Why don`t you eat the peanuts yourself?"

"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.

"We just love the chocolate around them."

Bus Driver's reaction : +_="



P/S: Be more aware when someone gives you free peanuts.. =p

hehe..
if someone gives u free peanuts,
1st, we must check n confirm that the given peanuts not in wet condition..

hi, just coming in.

that old folks joke is really funny. but not until the guys on motorbike. pretty touching though.

haha..yeah..

Basketball's rumor...

Two basketball buddies is excited to know if they’re fave sport is being played in Heaven. They’ve agreed that whomever die first should get back to the other friend to confirm that they really have basketball Up. Jake died first. One night, Rod though he heard Jake’s voice.

Rod: Is that you, Jake?
Jake: Yeah, dude.
Rod: (excited) So, do they play basketball up there?
Jake: Got good and bad news. Good news is.. we play basketball Up there. Bad news is...we’re up against your team tomorrow.


^.^

Sorry chaps this one's for the ladies..


Subject:Upgrade to husband 1.0
Recipent: Tech Support

Dear Tech Support:



Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the Flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as: Football 5.0, Rugby 4.3 and Cricket 3.0. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs; it simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate
------------------





Dear Desperate:



First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Try entering the command: C:/I-THOUGHT-YOU-LOVED-ME to download Tears 6.2, which should automatically install Guilt 3.0. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.

WARNING: Beer 6.1 is a very nasty program that will create Snoring Loudly.

CAUTION: Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law. This is not a supported application and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,
Tech Support





tOo deMand...but lively true...

A Hillary Clinton Joke..




Mike Jordan, Hillary Clinton, Billy Graham, and a young school girl are all on a plane with 3 parachute's inside. Suddenly, the plane engine dies. The 4 of them begin to debate what one person should stay behind and die. Mike Jordan says, "I am a rich sports icon, so I should get to live." He then takes a parachute and jumps off the plane. Hillary Clinton says, "I am the smartest women in the country, so surely I should get to live." She then takes a parashoot and jumps from the plane. Billy Graham then says to the young school girl, "You have your whole life ahead of you. I am an old man who will probably die soon anyhow. You go ahead and have the last parachute." The school girl then says, "We can both jump. There are still two parachutes left." Billy Graham says, "What do you mean?" The girl then says, "Well, the smartest women in the country grabed my backpack."

p/s: moral of the story: just be careful and rilex in any emergency case

maybe some of u ever heard about this..

Meaning of family..........
FAMILY =
(F)ather
(A)nd
(M)other
(I)
(L)ove
(Y)ou

WHY does a man want to have a WIFE? Because:
(W)ashing
(I)roning
(F)ood
(E)ntertainment

WHY does a woman want to have a HUSBAND?
because:
(H)ousing
(U)nderstanding
(S)haring
(B)uying
(A)nd
(N)ever
(D)emanding

a simple "HELLO" can be a sweet one like this:
(H)ow are you?
(E)verything all right?
(L)ike to hear from you
(L)ove to see you soon!
(O)bviously, I miss you ..

This is brilliant..IMFHO...!!!!?


He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Yes!
She: Will you hit me?
He: No way! I'm not such kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She : Dear !!





Now after the marriage you can read it from below to up

haha..
life is like a roller coaster

haha..really love this joke...

Fairies are Female... (for the love of her)

A married couple in their early 60s
was out celebrating their 35th wedding
anniversary in a quiet, romantic
little restaurant.

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy
appeared on their table and
said, "For being such an exemplary
married couple and for being faithful
to each other for all this time, I
will grant you each a wish.

"Oh, I want to travel around the world
with my darling husband" said the
wife.

The fairy waved her magic wand and
poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary
II luxury liner appeared in her hands.

Then it was the husband's turn. He
thought for a moment and said, "Well,
this is all very romantic, but an
opportunity like this will never
come again. I'm sorry my love, but my
wish is to have a wife 30 years
younger than me".

Both the wife and the fairy were
deeply disappointed, but a wish is a
wish... So the fairy waved her magic
wand and - poof! -

The husband became 92 years old!!!




Moral of the story:
Men who are ungrateful *erks should
remember that fairies are female!!!!
oopsss..





=p

This one is a bit harsh, viewing it might be on your risk..don't blame me..LOL
=P

The science teacher stood in front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw material in the world what would it be?"
Little Stevie raised his hand and said, "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a BMW convertible.
The teacher nodded, and then she called on little Susie.
Little Susie said, I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Porsche."
The teacher smiled, and then she called on Little Johnny.
Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicone."
The teacher said, "Silicone?? Why Silicone. Little Johnny?"
"Because my mum has two bags of the stuff and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!"

yeahh.. it's really true..
most of them are totally like that...